15 May 2010

I’ve never considered declaring my bedroom independent from the rest of the house, largely because it would mean I'd have to clean the ensuite. Nor have I seriously entertained the idea of seceding my house from Australia and crowning myself king, although I respect the people who do - particularly those among them who don't believe their problems stem from plots hatched by shape-shifting lizards from the constellation Draco.
My admiration for "micronationalists" led to a dinner with the great Emperor George II of Atlantium, Consul Jason of the Republic of Lavalon and friends on the eve of PoliNation, a one-day conference about micronations recently held on Dangar Island, NSW. Emperor George was the co-convenor of PoliNation, and also the host of the meal. When I last visited the capital of his Empire of Atlantium, it was a one-bedroom unit in - or, rather, surrounded by - Potts Point, NSW. Now it is located in Aurora, a 0.76 square-kilometre enclave (twice the size of the Vatican) halfway between Cowra and Crookwell, NSW.
George is one of a tiny number of left-wing Australian micronationalists. In fact, his only comrade seems to be Consul Jason. Many other micronationalists belong somewhere between One Nation and a mental hospital, assuming that (a) either of these institutions still exist, and (b) there is a difference between them.
George bemoaned the fact that David Siminton from the Principality of Camside couldn't make it to the conference. Sadly, David was recently imprisoned for contempt of a court that he didn't believe existed. In 2000, David aligned himself with His Royal Highness Prince Edward James Renton of the Principality of Caledonia, who had divided up Australia into the Commonwealth of British Israel, since he held that the Australian government was illegitimate and Australia's true British rulers were descendants of the lost tribes of Israel, and therefore the real Jews.
David's share of the Commonwealth was the state of Sherwood until, according to Prince Edward, "a black sharman [sic] under the control of the Illuminati [took] possession of Dr* Siminton's soul and caused him to use enchantments [and attack] a Celtic princess, in the attempt to remove the principality from the protection of the Rod of Iron of the Apocalypse".Obviously, this behaviour couldn't be tolerated, so David was expelled from the Commonwealth. In response, he founded a rival Principality of Camside, which established its legitimacy by declaring war on Australia. When Australia didn't respond, David claimed victory by default.
David is a follower of that other great David, David Icke, a British former BBC TV personality and former Green Party spokesperson. In 1991, Icke began to wear only turquoise clothes and announced he was the son of God and that the world would end in 1997. He later revealed the Rothschild family, House of Windsor and others were shape-shifting lizards from outer space.
Also invited but unable to attend PoliNation was the Honourable Most Reverend Doctor Cesidio Tallini, of the Tallini Family-Kingdom of Bucksfan, which is surrounded by Long Island, New York. Although Cesidio is 48 years old, unemployed and living with his mother, according to Emperor George, "He considers himself to be a deity. He has his own church, the Cesidian Church, of which he is the only adherent, priest, pope and deity. He's been doing it for 10 years, and he has no worshippers."
I've never thought of declaring myself a deity, although I do possess certain God-like qualities, such as infinite patience with an editor who keeps banning me from mentioning censored, censored and censored, and a penchant for smiting people. I'm also short on worshippers, but if you believe God wears a baseball cap, has short legs** and a baffled scowl, contact me through my website and your prayers will be answered***. 


* It's an honorary doctorate.
** Apparently.
*** No prayers will actually be answered.
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